


reviviscence

by deansnuggles



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: HAPPY ENDING!!!!!!, Hurt/Comfort, Love Confessions, M/M, Major Character Injury, deathbed confessions but no one dies, lots of tears first tho, not graphic, pov critically injured person, rated m bc it's heavy emotionally
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-09
Updated: 2020-09-08
Packaged: 2021-03-07 01:07:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,810
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26368429
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/deansnuggles/pseuds/deansnuggles
Summary: “...-old on, Po-… just hold… st-… with me, okay?... -oe, I got you, I go-…”Everything is blurry, his hearing cutting in and out. He can’t feel his… anything. That’s probably bad.“C’mon Poe… -ork with me here, I ca-… too goddamn heavy…”Someone’s talking. Sounds upset. Sounds important. If he can just focus—if he can just focus—if he can just—-----------------Poe is critically injured when their ship is shot down. Finn has to leave him to get help.
Relationships: Poe Dameron/Finn
Comments: 26
Kudos: 152





	1. Chapter 1

_ “...-old on, Po-… just hold… st-… with me, okay?... -oe, I got you, I go-…” _

Everything is blurry, his hearing cutting in and out. He can’t feel his… anything. That’s probably bad. 

_ “C’mon Poe… -ork with me here, I ca-… too goddamn heavy…” _

Someone’s talking. Sounds upset. Sounds important. If he can just focus—if he can just focus—if he can just—

_ “Okay, I’m gon- … -et you down here, gonna set you d-... -ey, can you see me? Can... -ear me? Yeah that’s it, focus on my voice. That’s it.” _

The grey-green blur morphs into a brown blur, something warm touches his face. He leans into it, hears a groan. It rumbles up and out from his chest, but he feels separate from it. An observer, a hundred years removed.

Hands, they are hands, on his face, skittering down his arms—he has arms, he can feel his arms. Okay. Okay.

_ “-ink we’re safe for the mo-... gonna take a look o-...ay? This… -ight hurt.” _

_ “...oh fuck.” _

Oh. There’s the pain. There’s a scream. There’s a sob. A chorus of sobs. Inside and outside of him. The blur sharpens, white-hot and hellish. He sees eyes. Tears. Red. The blur is red now.

Black now.

Black.

Black.

Grey, again, and again to brown. 

_ “-ake up, you gotta wake up P-... -ay with me, I can’t…” _

Something’s changed. There’s a tightness around his abdomen where before there was nothing. Blankness. There’s pain, now, a lot of it, but it’s better than the blankness. He tries to—he tries to— 

He focuses.

“F… F…”

“Hey! Thank the Force. Hey, Poe, hey, you’re alright, don’t try to talk, okay? Just stay with me.”

“Wha… hap…?”

“Ambush. I don’t know… I don’t know how they found us, but they were... 

“Shot us down as soon as we hit atmo. You... 

“…out of a tailspin with no engines and half a wing missing, I dunno how you do it man. 

“...-ulled you out, had to get away from the crash before they came looking.” The words are fast. They bounce around him, start to filter through a bit at a time. Ambush. Crash. Pulled you out. Ambush. Crash.

He squints, hard. Finally, finally he can see Finn’s face. Eyes wide, dirt, blood, tears, sweat. He loses it again. “Finn… okay?”

“What? Yeah, yeah I’m fine man, don’t worry about me. Little banged up, is all. Your side of the ship took the brunt of it. Did that on purpose, don’t think I don’t know, you asshole.”

Did he? Probably. That sounds like him. He doesn’t know, he doesn’t know where they are, even. Why they’re here. 

Time skips, forwards and backwards, he loses track of Finn again for a moment, an hour, a decade. There’s an ocean in his ears. 

“Poe? Dammit. Poe, I need you to listen for a minute, okay? Can you do that? Can you do that for me?”

Poe squints, his head bobs a little. He looks up—Finn’s face. He can focus on Finn’s face. It’s right there, eclipsing everything else. Beautiful. Even covered in blood and fear he’s beautiful. He wants to tell him. He should tell him. His mouth won’t make a sound.

“Okay, good. That’s good, Poe. Just focus on me. Look—I saw a town a few clicks from here. I can’t carry you that far; even if I could it would probably… anyway. I need to go to town, Poe. I need to get a signal out, or… or. Or there won’t be anyone coming for us.”

“No… no…” 

“I know, I’m sorry, I’m so sorry Poe. I have to, I have to get help, if I don’t…” his voice breaks, there are fresh tears now, Poe can see them. “I have to.”

If I don’t, you’ll die. Poe hears it. He knows. Even if he does get help, he’ll probably… he’ll probably...

He’s dying.

“I’ll be back, I promise, okay? A few hours at most.”

“Don’t… don’t… don’t wanna die… alone, Finn. Please.”

“You are  _ not _ going to die, okay?” He says, furious, forceful. “You’re not. I can’t… I can’t just sit here and watch you die when I could go get help, Poe, you gotta know that. I gotta go get help.” The fury melts with the tears, melts into sobs.

Okay. Okay.

He can do this.

He can do this for Finn. 

He can try.

But.

He can’t let him leave…

He can’t let him leave yet— 

Not without…

“Okay… okay Finn.”

Finn breathes out a sigh. “Good, good, okay. I’ll be back, alright? I’ll—” 

Poe cuts him off, musters his energy. He needs to get this out. “Finn. I need to—to tell you... something. Finn…”

“Poe, c'mon man, save your strength.” 

“No, need…”

“You can tell me later, yeah? Just rest now. I’ll be back before you know it.”

“No. Tell you... Finn.” He coughs, tastes copper. “You're the most—the best man I've ever. I've ever known. And I…”

“Don't, Poe, please. Please.” 

“I have. I have loved you since…” he coughs, loses his train of thought, knows there's something... there's something… there. “Finn. I love you. So much. I never—I... I need you to. To know. To know that.”

“Poe, gods, I…”

He meets Finn’s eyes, focuses on them, if this is the last thing he sees then that’s okay. He’s okay with that. He’ll carry them with him. Even though they are full of grief, and pain, and fear, and— 

Finn surges forwards and presses their lips together. His hands are on Poe’s face again, warm, bracing. Poe tastes blood and salt. 

“I’m sorry, Poe I’m so sorry, I’m so sorry—”

“It's okay. It's... it's not your fault. Whatever happens. It’s not your fault. I'm okay.” 

“I’m not gonna say it, okay? You want to hear it, you gotta be here when I get back. You hear me? You gotta be here Poe. I’ll be back, I swear to you. I swear it.”

“I know… I know you will. I love you. Go.”

Finn nods, kisses him gently on the forehead, holds there for a long moment, two, then stands. “I swear it, Poe.”

Poe watches him move through the brush, brown fading into green… then into black. 

Black.

Black.

* * *


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> considered holding this until tomorrow but it's 2020 we need the happy endings asap

Everything is white now. He’s floating. Fuzzy. Voices, yelling. 

Underwater. 

Black again.

White again, but less fuzzy. He can feel his fingers. He can feel… something warm, on his hand. Holding his hand. He squeezes, it squeezes back. Voices, soft, hopeful.

Black again.

He wakes up to the unfortunately all too familiar med center ceiling. His brain is fuzzy, but it’s a comfortable fuzziness he know is from pain meds, not bleeding out. He takes stock—both sets of toes wiggle. Eyes blink. Cold around his torso—a bacta treatment still in progress. He can move all this fingers. It’s then that he notices a pressure on his hand, a presence in the room with him. He turns his head carefully.

Finn. Of course it’s Finn. Thank the Force. He’s hunched down in a chair next to the hospital bed, asleep, Poe’s hand in his. That’s… nice. Very nice. Poe almost doesn't want to wake him, in case it goes away. 

He lets himself drift a few more minutes. Just a few minutes…

He wakes again, not sure how much time has passed, but Finn is still there, still asleep. Poe squeezes his hand. “Hey,” he attempts, but it comes out as a scratch and a cough. Finn’s eyes snap open. “Hey,” he tries again, slightly more successful. 

“Poe! Here, hold on—” he grabs a glass of water from the side table and helps Poe raise the bed to take some sips. “Go slow, okay? Kalonia said just a little at a time to start.”

Poe clears his throat. Better. “What happened?”

Finn pauses, a second too long. “How much do you remember?”

Poe frowns and thinks. “Not much, really… flashes of things, I can’t really pull any of them. Last thing I remember clearly is leaving base. Then it’s just static.”

Finn’s face goes oddly blank before he tries to cover it with an unconvincing smile. Huh. “Well, it’s not surprising. You were in pretty bad shape. We were ambushed, shot down as soon as we entered atmosphere. We crashed, you managed to right the ship enough to keep us from going up in flames… but you about killed yourself in the process.”

Well shit. “And you? You’re alright?”

Finn rolls his eyes. “Yes, I’m fine. Broke some ribs, concussion, the usual. You took the brunt of it.” He bit his lip, looking like he’s going to say more, but doesn’t.

“How’d we get out?”

“I grabbed you and the med kit then set the engines to blow. Almost didn’t get clear in time, but we did—big ass fireball made them think we’d gone up with it. I saw them leave, so I knew I could get a signal out as soon as I hit a populated area.” 

“And I was… unconscious?”

Finn’s eyes shift to the side for a moment. “Yeah, mostly. Unconscious or out of it. You had…” he pauses, runs a hand down his face. “You had a giant hole in your side, man. A broken leg. I bandaged you up best I could, but you know those med kits aren’t made for anything bigger than a scraped knee. I had to… I had to leave you, to go get a signal out. I thought—I didn’t think—” He shakes his head, blinking rapidly.

Poe reaches out to grab his hand again. “Hey, we’re okay. I’m okay. Right? At least I feel okay, got all my parts accounted for that I can see. You did good, buddy. You got us out. We’re good.”

Finn shakes his head again, holds Poe’s hand in both of his, sniffs. Takes a shaky breath, then another. “Well. Anyways. I got a signal out, busted ass getting back to where I left you. You were… completely unresponsive, at that point. I just. Sat with you, fingers on your pulse til the rescue came. They almost—it was close, Poe. It was too damn close.”

It’s too much to process, almost dying yet having no memory of it. Finn’s grief is real, that is more than obvious, but Poe is having trouble connecting it to himself. However, he can at least offer some comfort.

“Hey, c’mere.” He pulls on Finn’s hand until he leans in close enough for a loose hug. It’s awkward, between the angle of the hospital bed and the bacta bag around his abdomen, but he can at least get a hand on the back of Finn’s head and pull him into his shoulder. “I’m okay. You got us out, we’re okay. You did good.” He repeated. “I’m right here. I can’t imagine what you went through. If our positions had been switched, if it had been you—I don’t know if I could have done what you did, Finn.”

Finn nods into his neck, takes some shaky breaths that are half a step removed from sobs. “You would have done the same.”

“Yeah, maybe. Let’s never find out, okay?”

Finn lets out a wet chuckle then leans back and wipes at his eyes. “Well anyways, I uh. I should let Kalonia know you’re awake. She said you’ll need to stay in here a few days—” Poe groans, and Finn glares at him “—and don’t you give her any shit, alright? She saved your life. If I see you out of this bed before she give you the all clear, I’ll kick your ass.”

Poe sighs dramatically, rolling his head back into the pillow. “Alright, alright. God you’re the worst.”

“Sure am.” He pats Poe gently on the thigh and heads towards the door.

“Hey, Finn?” 

He turns back, raises an eyebrow. 

“Thank you.” 

* * *

He spends three  _ exceedingly boring _ days in the med center before Kalonia says he can leave the next morning, “But absolutely no strenuous activity for a week, you hear me? I’ve got Finn and all your pilots on my side, so don’t think you can go behind my back. You had them all worried sick.”

Every night he’s had more and more vivid dreams, but he loses them as soon as he wakes, only remembering flashes of images and moments he can’t make sense of, and a visceral feeling of danger and fear. 

This last night, he remembers. 

Not all of it—there’s plenty that will probably never come back to him, as injured as he was. But he remembers…

_ “Pulled you out—” _

_ “Focus on me, Poe—” _

_ “Don’t wanna… die alone…” _

_ Lips that taste like blood and tears and home.  _

_ “You want to hear it, you gotta be here when I get back.” _

His eyes snap open. Fuck.  _ Fuck! _ Did that really…? Did he really…? 

He wants to blame it on the injury, on being unconscious and delirious and his mind putting pieces together that were never really there.

...But fuck does it feel real.

He looks at the clock. It’s early, most people probably aren’t even awake for first shift. But he’s allowed to leave, now, and he has to know. 

He carefully pulls on a loose pair of sleep pants and a shirt that’s several sizes too large that someone had left out for him to change into this morning—he winces as the newly healed skin on his stomach tightens at the motion. He pads barefoot across the base to Finn’s quarters, with no idea what he’s going to say when he gets there, but he has to. He has to know. Even if it’s all a delusion, he has to know. 

It occurs to him right as he reaches the door that there’s a third option—what if. What if it did happen, but… he didn’t mean it? They both thought he was dying, right? Poe was pouring his heart out like the embarrassing idiot he is, and Finn’s a nice guy. What was he going to do, exactly? Say, “nah, sorry I don’t like you like that,” and leave Poe to die? Of course he played into it. It was a kindness.

That was all, a kindness.

Poe hesitates, doubting. A minute passes. Two.

_ ………..Fuck it. _

He knocks on the door, three quick raps, and waits. After a moment, Finn appears, shirtless, sleep mussed and bleary-eyed. He blinks. “Poe…? What—” 

Poe grabs his face with both hands and kisses him, hard.

Finn freezes, and Poe’s stomach plummets. If he’s wrong about this— 

But then Finn melts into him, hands cupping Poe’s hips, and for a few amazing moments it’s absolutely perfect. 

But they do need to talk.

Poe pulls away, gently, and leans his forehead against Finn’s to catch his breath, slides his hands down to Finn’s chest.

“I, uh. I take it you remembered?” Finn says, voice low and rough.

Poe nods, unable to make himself pull away just yet. “Were you ever going to tell me?”

“I dunno. Hadn’t decided. You were dying. I thought maybe…” Finn backs up a few steps, but pulls Poe into his room as he does. He shuts the door behind them, leans up against it and sighs, looking uncomfortable. “I thought, you know, we both thought you were dying. You  _ were _ dying. I didn’t want to… hold you to anything. Especially if you didn’t remember.”

Poe lets out a humorless laugh. “I thought the same thing when I woke up this morning. Thought it must have been a dream, or a hallucination, or you were, y’know. Just humoring me. Because I was dying.” He shrugs. “But then I thought, you know what? If there’s anything this job should have taught me before now it’s that life’s too fucking short. I’m just sorry it took almost dying to get it through my thick skull.”

Finn snorts. “Yeah, well, likewise. We are a couple of dumbasses aren’t we?”

Poe smiles and takes a step into Finn’s space. “Just means we need to make up for lost time, buddy.” 

He leans in, but Finn stops him with a hand to his chest. “Wait, wait. I think I promised you something if you were alive when I got back, yeah?” He takes a deep breath and cups Poe’s face with a warm hand, looking into his eyes for a long moment. “I love you, Poe Dameron.”

Poe grins, nose scrunching up in delight. “Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

Poe leans forward and kisses him, long and deep. “Say it again.”

“I love you.”

Another kiss, a little longer, a little deeper. Poe says, breathlessly, “Again.”

“I love you.”

Another kiss, this one skirting the edge of Kalonia’s “no strenuous activity” mandate—it’s going to be a long week. But in the meantime… Poe buries his face in Finn’s neck. “I love you too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for reading!!!! I really enjoyed writing this one in poe's half-conscious headspace, I hope it came across well. love you all, comments make my day!


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